*Not Toronto

sorry I just drop this blog and pick it up at random like (what do people pick up and drop at random?) 

sorry again, only good at metaphors of my own making... er ... yo-yos? post-show flyers some dork's handing to you when you're sweaty and tired and want to go home. hotcakes or whatever. loose change falling out your pants from a hole in your pocket (inspired by Austin's work pants pocket hole and his phone falling down through his pant leg and out onto the floor, over and over). dumb hobbies. ugh, terrible. yeah, also , yeah ,,,, I know it's not a metaphor anyway but a simile. I would rather say metaphor. I prefer the word. AESTHETICALLY. everybody knows what I mean. you know what I mean. if people know what you mean, then the word works. right? and the point of words is for people to know what you mean. so sometimes, it's ok if they're the wrong words. pin that thought ..

so bad though. I'm fired. for the bad SIMILE attempts and also for keeping my (three) readers guessing how long it will be between posts; look though, explore the archive dates and you'll see that's how I've always been. can't say you weren't warned..

ever have a moment in your life where you're SO SURE about something? like, POSITIVELY SURE. let's say you've made a decision and it is THE PERFECT DECISION 

well fuck that moment - it was a psycho moment - because there are no perfect decisions in life

I knew this. I know this. I know this.

if you think something is above scrutiny in fact you are just not scrutinizing it, which is fine. some things are better left unscrutinized, or .. infrequently scrutinized. I only function to scrutinize, it seems (I did tell a friend recently my brain only has two settings: 1.vegetable, 2.overthinking), so my having been so certain of something is actually quite far out of character, but actually in retrospect I really wasn't so sure because i did warn you, er, warn me, warn myself, out loud, by which I mean here, where anyone could read it, that if I looked too hard I would melt that decision with my laser eyes and in fact, I did

OK, CONSIDER THAT AN APOLOGY to whoever was happy about that wrong decision


family, mainly. sorry, family. that's what airplanes are for




ever read House of Leaves?

I've written on it before. due for a re-read. Join me and we'll have a psychic book club, which I'll never mention (out loud) again.

there's this bit, after you're thoroughly exhausted & confused by the formatting of the book (not a complaint; it's brilliant – this is by design, as you'll see when you read it) where a footnote says something like "if you read too fast or too slow, you understand nothing." I think of it often.

the same could be said for decision making. in any case, I finally just occam's razored the whole situation and made the (imperfect) best decision, the one all roads led to. It has good and bad qualities, (note to self:) because that's how life is. Now stay tuned to see if I manage to pull it off.

this is feeling like a housecleaning post. ew.

if you are cleaning your house, HERE IS A PLAYLIST I MADE FOR THAT

actually it's made for vacuuming, and it comes with this caveat: if it takes you longer than this to vacuum your place, you should give up and hire somebody


I'll wait if you need to go vacuum. Go on



I don't know when I last talked cats in here and it's just that with the aforementioned agonizingly intermittent posting, all the cat updates would be RIP CAT posts. (speaking of agonizing) I have lost four cats in four years (if you know me, you know a chunk of my heart falls out each time so, understatement to just drop that info and move on) and can no longer even really be called a cat lady. RIP CAT LADY IDENTITY. so much furry family loss. I'm down to a conventionally acceptable Three Cats (I did notice about twenty years ago when I had my three first generation cats that three was still a crazy number of cats to most people, but that's no longer the case; multi-catting has now become hip) and I fully and without guilt plan to get one more cat when I Get Where I'm Going™*

what else? OH

the WGA is on strike. why should you care? because I'm unemployed for the foreseeable future, that's why. does that mean I'll post more? NO CLUE.

I wrote this last time the writers went on strike. it's definitely not a novel

I did post A LOT after that though. A LOT. for about two years. that was before social media doomscrolling existed. I can't make any promises. I've forgotten how to write (or talk). what do words mean? I give up