things it might not suck to be, 2007 special Christmas edition

  1. cake decorator
  2. race car driver
  3. automated teller money filler
  4. antiques dealer
  5. photo editor
  6. wrapping paper designer
  7. fashion photographer
  8. shoe designer
  9. teacup appraiser
  10. horse groomer
  11. dueling piano bar pianist
  12. underwater yoga instructor
  13. magazine editor
  14. paint color namer
  15. barbie doll face painter
  16. gingerbread house decorator
  17. toy designer
  18. furniture designer
  19. figure-outer of which christmas light is out and thereby precluding the function of the whole string
  20. bird illlustrator (drawer of bird illustrations, not drawer of illustrations on birds)
  21. children's room muralist
  22. mannequin dresser
  23. dog reindeer costume seamstress
  24. kitten collector
  25. restaurant reviewer
  26. miniature golfer
  27. carousel painter
  28. interesting hat model
  29. script writer
  30. story developer
  31. interloper
  32. mean santa claus
  33. mad scientist
  34. wedding photographer
  35. circus attendee
  36. remote island explorer
  37. matchmaker
  38. gargoyle documentor
  39. crossword puzzler
  40. sunglasses wearer
  41. scarf knitter
  42. whistle blower
  43. exorcist
  44. fortune teller
  45. bank teller
  46. thumb twiddler
  47. package photo paint-by-numbers doer
  48. back massage tester
  49. tinseller
  50. snake handler
  51. art therapist
  52. assistant to Will Shortz
  53. road trip taker
  54. cat handler
  55. documentor of ugly places with idyllic names (i.e. "Paradise Ranch," "Crown Disposal Co.")
  56. chandelier maker
  57. folded paper snowflake slicer
  58. radio program noisemaker
  59. rock star
  60. alphabetizer
  61. children's TV show producer
  62. wart hog


  1. As an occasional 1, 5, 16, and a frequent, nay daily 39 and 41, I applaud your enumeration of things to be. Also, I want a gingerbread house for my b-day this year, because it's been years since i had one, so if you have any good design ideas, pass them on. For example, I'd like a stencil so I can paint (with food coloring) marzipan wallpaper for the interior (not that any of my gingerbread houses have ever had interiors, but why not try? In the very least, the house always has windows, and can't one generally see some wall thru a window?)

  2. Jill and I will be making a (gluten free and vegan, to accommodate me and Fox) gingerbread house over my Christmas visit, so I'll send you tips!


(comments moderated to prevent stalking, stupidity, solicitation and jehovah's witnesses. reasonable wisecrackery is welcome.)