brave new world

Invigorated by the election of Barack Obama, I’ve composed a list of things heretofore thought improbable that now might on Barack’s coat-tails seep into the realm of possibility:

1. world peace
2. total resuscitation of Walt Disney’s cryogenic head
3. life on other planets
4. global unwarming
5. a Michael Jackson comeback
6. corporate responsibility
7. a new ice age
8. a SAG / AMPTP agreement in which the actors don’t get royally screwed
9. plastic zippers that don’t break
10. resolution by the religious masses that homosexuals are actual human beings and, thus, deserve equal rights
11. affordable rent in cities that have anything worthwhile going on
12. a fountain of youth
13. arbitrary absolution of my student loans
14. more dinosaurs
15. pregnant men
16. truth in advertising
17. the second coming of Christ (or the first, really)
18. an epidemic of healthfulness
19. spontaneous reunion of all missing socks to their mates
20. poltergeists
21. abolition of internet pop-up ads
22. … and spam
23. free lunch
24. talking dogs
25. flying cars
26. bionic limbs
27. commuter hovercrafts
28. atheist rights
29. time travel
30. teleportation
31. a plausible explanation for crop circles
32. adolescent contentment
33. free flowing traffic on the 405
34. Santa Claus
35. t-shirt tags that don’t itch
36. more cowbell
37. true love


  1. 15. pregnant men: Does Thomas Beatie, now preggers with his second kid, count?

    I'd like to add:
    -Jewish mothers who don't make their offspring feel guilty
    -a cure for AIDS
    - sudden universal realization that feminists are right
    -implementation of a living wage

  2. I can't believe I forgot AIDS ... Some genie I would be .. "the gays can marry, but they have to stay tainted .. " bad Kate.


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