Pretty much no one has asked me any questions, so I kid.
But here are some I would ask, and some I have been asked in real life.
0. Where do I start?
A. This is as good a place as any.
1. Can you search the blog?
A. No. This is because the "search this blog" widget doesn't work.
2. Why don't your posts ever have anything to do with the title? Why don't you stay on topic? Why don't your tags classify your posts better? Why can't I find anything?
A. Because this blog is a verbal explosion of my capricious brain, which only functions properly in images and whose thought train is constantly derailing. Plus I didn't imagine anyone would read this when I started it. Actually I'm still imagining no one reads it.
3. Are you like this in real life?
A. Arcane, self-important, hard to follow (but occasionally funny)? Probably.
4. Seriously, I don't get you. Are you shallow or deep?
5. Do you write fiction? Have you ever published anything?
A. Yes. No.
6. Did you used to work at First Avenue?
A. Yes! It is unbelievable that people still stop me on the street and ask me this.
7. What is that 8 on the back of your neck for?
A. It's a 13.
8. What is that key around your neck?
A. My house key! I lock myself out all the time. It says "DEFIANT" on it but that's just a coincidence.
9. What is the air speed of an unladen swallow?
A. African or European swallow?
10. Kenneth – what's the frequency???
11. What don't you just make it go to ten, and have ten be the loudest, and just have ten be louder?
12. What do you look like?
13. Still confused.